It isn’t easy, loving someone through hard times. When your loved one is living with depression, it can feel like there are more hard times than good. Watching a family member or loved one struggle can make you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and helpless. But there are things you can do to support them – and to make caring for them a little easier for you.

We all go through challenges. A loss or a divorce, a rough day at work, or an argument with a spouse, can all lead to us experiencing feelings of depression. Clinical depression differs from the grief, sadness, and other struggles that are an expected part of life. It’s a significant mental health condition that impacts not only a patient’s quality of life but also their physical well-being.

Clinical depression interferes with day-to-day functioning over a long period of time. It can prevent people from doing what they love, enjoying life, connecting with friends and family, and even functioning at work. People struggling with clinical depression often withdraw from friends, and from life; they experience feelings of hopelessness that can be hard for loved ones to witness. Symptoms of a depressive episode must last at least two weeks and must demonstrate a change in one’s previous level of functioning in order to qualify for a diagnosis, states the American Psychiatric Association.

According to the Mayo Clinic, signs and symptoms can include:

• Experiencing feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness
• Feeling irritable, frustrated, or angry over small things
• Changes in sleep habits
• Experiencing changes in appetite or fluctuations in weight
• Coping with anxiety, restlessness, or agitation
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
• Difficulty with concentration, short-term memory, or decision-making
• Feeling of guilt or worthlessness, or dwelling on past failures
• Suicidal thoughts

If someone close to you has been diagnosed with depression or is exhibiting these symptoms, there are things you can do to help.

1. Share Your Concerns

If someone you care about is exhibiting symptoms of depression, don’t be afraid to speak up. Starting the conversation can be difficult for patients, especially when they’re feeling exhausted or hopeless. Ask them about how they’re feeling, calmly, and without judgment. Show them you’re there to help – on their terms. Having a close friend simply listen can be one of the best ways you offer support.

Gently discuss the changes you’ve observed without criticism, then be sure to give them space and time to respond. Perhaps most importantly, do not try to talk them out of their feelings or minimize their struggle or the impact it is having on their life. Saying things like, “You have no reason to be sad” or suggesting they should be mentally stronger or make simple changes to their routine may only disconnect them from you further. Depression is a serious mental illness, and patients can no more “shake it off” than they could a physical illness.

Choose your words carefully. Some people may not know to use the word “depressed” to describe what they are feeling, or they may not be comfortable with the word “depression”. Tell them that you’ve noticed that they don’t seem like themselves, and allow the conversation to follow from there.

2. Help Them Explore Treatment Options

People coping with depression may need help to get treatment or find support. The stigma around mental health conditions is a challenge in and of itself, but the symptoms of depression can also make it harder to manage tasks like finding a mental health provider, scheduling an appointment or joining a support group. It may be a relief for them to know that you can help them with these challenges. You can also help them keep track of appointments, accompany them to office visits, and encourage them to continue treatment.

If your loved one is hesitant to seek therapy, join a support group, or to get professional help from psychologist or psychiatrist, they may be willing to consult their primary care doctor, or another trusted health professional – like their OB/GYN, for women. Although treatment from a mental health professional is essential, any healthcare provider can help get the ball rolling or make a referral.

3. Help them with the Small Stuff 

The right treatment is critical to managing depression. But it’s not the only need your loved one may have. Your loved one may struggle with day-to-day tasks even once treatment has begun. An excellent way to offer support is to accompany them to doctor visits or therapy appointments so you can understand their treatment options firsthand. Depression symptoms can affect short-term memory and make concentration difficult, so it can be helpful to have a second set of eyes and ears in the room when treatment plans are being made.

For people living with depression, everyday chores like grocery shopping, laundry, or housecleaning can feel exhausting and overwhelming. Offering to assist with these chores can help lighten their load. You can also help them establish a system or routine for tackling these chores, to make them feel more manageable.

4. Join them in their Routine 

Exercise, proper nutrition, and sunlight can all help to make depression treatment more effective. Behavioral activation is a very effective treatment for depression. That’s where patients choose activities they find enjoyable or meaningful, such as exercise, creative outlets, or social activities.

You can encourage your loved one to find – or resume – activities that they love, and join them in doing so. Just be sure to encourage, not enforce. Setting unreasonable expectations can make symptoms of depression worse, and even cause your loved one to further withdraw. Instead, gently encourage and offer support, but as with starting hard conversations about symptoms, follow their lead.

Minimizing stress, limiting alcohol use, exercising regularly, getting plenty of regular sleep, and choosing healthy foods can all support depression treatment. What’s more, they’re beneficial to you, too, as you work to take care of yourself, keep fit and healthy and support your loved one. Accompanying one another in behaviors that improve your health and wellness is win-win.

5. Look for Signs of Improvement or Signs the Condition is Worsening

When treatment is working, the signs are clear. You’ll see visible changes in how they look and act – just like you did when their symptoms first appeared. Signs like resuming eye contact, appearing calmer and less tense, smiling more, isolating less, and showing improvements to their appetite and to their sleep routine are all excellent signs that treatment is working. Notice these improvements and encourage your loved one for every milestone they reach.

Conversely, the absence of any improvements like those above may be a warning sign that your loved one is not responding to treatment, or that a depressive episode is worsening. If that is the case, it’s time to show increased concern for your loved one’s health and safety. If they aren’t showing signs that they’re responding to depression treatment, it’s wise to very gently raise the question of whether they are having even fleeting suicidal thoughts, or feeling that their life may not be worth living. If your loved one has had thoughts of taking their own life, take the risk of suicide or self-harm very seriously. Here’s how to help .

Although proper treatment can send depression into remission, depression is often a chronic condition that can take a toll on relationships. It is essential to connect with your loved one when they’re in remission and build a solid plan for recognizing when symptoms of depression are returning, and how to respond. Ask them what sort of support they need from your as a caregiver, close friend or family member, and have a plan in place to enact it.

SSRIs and other antidepressant medications can be effective in reducing depression symptoms. Combining them with support from a loved one and other healthy behaviors can improve their effectiveness – and your loved one’s quality of life.

Find out how to make prescription depression treatment medications more affordable with help from ModRN Health. ModRN Health can help you save up to 80% on your medications. Simply search for your meds, and find the best prices locally, right now.

Read More 

8 Things to Know Before Starting an Antidepressant

Zulresso and Other Treatments for Post-Partum Depression

Suffering from Depression? 'Discuss Therapy and Medication Options with your Doctor'

Depression 'higher among patients with atopic dermatitis'

Other links and resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 24/7, free and confidential support hotline